Feb 8, 2012

Someone Misses Football Already...

Resident: "His hemoglobin A1C was 14 and-"
Attending: "TWO TOUCHDOWNS!"

Jan 23, 2012

I Know I Can't!

Cue to the medicine floor at 9pm.
A nurse notes a patient rifling through the refrigerator at the nurse's station, dumping all the juice boxes into a garbage bag she's taken from the trash can in her room. The nurse watches, agape, as the patient finishes cleaning out the entire fridge, then begins dragging her bag o' goodies down the hall. The nurse finally recovers as the patient is about to enter her room (an easy 30 feet away).
Frozen, RN: "Hey! You can't do that!"
Mrs. Frontal Infarcts: "I know I can't!"
The patient then proceeds to drag her prize into the room and shut the door.
End scene.

This story had a happy ending, however. Shortly afterward, a highly-trained team of professionals was assembled, and the hostage juice boxes of 6-South were successfully extracted.

Jan 19, 2012

Playa Haters

"Sir, do you know who shot you?"
"A playa hata...please don't let me die, I just love y'all."

Jan 17, 2012

Oh, Hey There

Turns out third year is kinda busy as fuck. People say funny shit to me all the time, I just haven't gotten around to posting it. Mostly cause of the, y'know, being busy-as-fuck. Also the drama of being a 20-something with too many hormones and standards that get a little lower every time I see a bitter single female doc (that would be every time I open my eyes).

I recently declared Ob/Gyn. Why? Because I hate happiness. Just kidding...sort of. I'm thinking about residency pretty much anywhere that isn't the Northeast, but hey, who knows. Looked at a lot of the programs in Texas, but seriously, they pronounce it OB-Gin - like the drink - which utterly disgusts me.

Recently saw a patient in clinic who had helpfully written down his prior surgeries for us. I blinked a few times at this one:

Well, sir, I'm sorry to hear that. I hear it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean, though, so you've got that going for you.