Photographic Evidence

So here's an example of a typical patient encounter nowadays in what I fondly refer to as "Coochie Clinic"

Me: "So what's brought you in to see us?"
Miss Photogenic: "Well I got this heat rash"

She immediately pulls down the 'dress' that is roughly the size of something that I, at 115 pounds less, would wear as a tank top. I get an eye full of cleavage and it takes about three seconds to identify the ringworm.

Me, with full poker face: "Ah, OK, and have you had any other skin problems?"
Miss Photogenic: "Yeah, I had this spider bite about a month ago, here, I gotta picture!"

As I'm thinking to myself, "Oh shit, I know what spider bite is code for," she grabs her smartphone, clicks around, and then shoves it under my nose. Sure enough, there is a picture of her very large breast lifted up by a hand and a huge ass Staph abscess underneath.

Really, people?