May 29, 2011

Life Sucks, But My Roses Are Bloomin'

I have nothing funny to say at this point. I hate Boards. Studying (and life issues) have more or less turned me into Eeyore, but with a fouler mouth and better access to stimulants and depressants.

This is my schedule:
-Wake up late in the early afternoon
-Shower and "dress" (AKA put on the same scrubs as yesterday, with different underwear)
-Go to a coffeehouse
-Drink a Big-Mother-Effing iced latte...or three
-Study in somehow the most inefficient way possible until 8pm
-Go home and fail at studying some more
-Stay up 'til 6 or 7 am so that I will be too exhausted to lay awake worrying and/or being depressed
-Crawl into bed and, invariably, wind up still worrying and/or being depressed
-Pop a trazodone or zolpidem and either fall asleep (with the former) or hallucinate for a while, then fall asleep (with the latter)
-Wake up, lather, rinse, repeat

My mental state is a scary thing to examine right now. I think (hope?) I will probably look back on myself in a few years and go, "Wow, Sassy, that really wasn't that important, you were being such a whiny little drama queen!" But as of right now, I have had Step 1 sold to me as *THE MOST IMPORTANT TEST OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE DEPENDS ONLY ON THIS ZOMG* by classmates, teachers, my school's administration, peers on the intranetz, etc. I tried to resist for a while, but I've now been totally sucked in. Oh well, as a recently-graduated friend told me, "Do what you gotta do. Here's a bunch of Ambien. Please don't OD on them. We'll deal with any addictions or health problems when this is over."

On a less "woe is me" note, I took up gardening (I use this term lightly, as I still don't really understand how to not kill most plants) this year. One of the plants I shoved into the ground was a raggedy little stub of a baby rose that I got at a bargain store for $2. I fully expected it to die, but instead it has grown and when I peeked out my back window this morning - tada! It is blooming!! Finally, something not totally shitty!

OK, back to the books.

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