Oh, Hey There

Turns out third year is kinda busy as fuck. People say funny shit to me all the time, I just haven't gotten around to posting it. Mostly cause of the, y'know, being busy-as-fuck. Also the drama of being a 20-something with too many hormones and standards that get a little lower every time I see a bitter single female doc (that would be every time I open my eyes).

I recently declared Ob/Gyn. Why? Because I hate happiness. Just kidding...sort of. I'm thinking about residency pretty much anywhere that isn't the Northeast, but hey, who knows. Looked at a lot of the programs in Texas, but seriously, they pronounce it OB-Gin - like the drink - which utterly disgusts me.

Recently saw a patient in clinic who had helpfully written down his prior surgeries for us. I blinked a few times at this one:

Well, sir, I'm sorry to hear that. I hear it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean, though, so you've got that going for you.

Photographic Evidence

So here's an example of a typical patient encounter nowadays in what I fondly refer to as "Coochie Clinic"

Me: "So what's brought you in to see us?"
Miss Photogenic: "Well I got this heat rash"

She immediately pulls down the 'dress' that is roughly the size of something that I, at 115 pounds less, would wear as a tank top. I get an eye full of cleavage and it takes about three seconds to identify the ringworm.

Me, with full poker face: "Ah, OK, and have you had any other skin problems?"
Miss Photogenic: "Yeah, I had this spider bite about a month ago, here, I gotta picture!"

As I'm thinking to myself, "Oh shit, I know what spider bite is code for," she grabs her smartphone, clicks around, and then shoves it under my nose. Sure enough, there is a picture of her very large breast lifted up by a hand and a huge ass Staph abscess underneath.

Really, people?