Oh, Hey There

Turns out third year is kinda busy as fuck. People say funny shit to me all the time, I just haven't gotten around to posting it. Mostly cause of the, y'know, being busy-as-fuck. Also the drama of being a 20-something with too many hormones and standards that get a little lower every time I see a bitter single female doc (that would be every time I open my eyes).

I recently declared Ob/Gyn. Why? Because I hate happiness. Just kidding...sort of. I'm thinking about residency pretty much anywhere that isn't the Northeast, but hey, who knows. Looked at a lot of the programs in Texas, but seriously, they pronounce it OB-Gin - like the drink - which utterly disgusts me.

Recently saw a patient in clinic who had helpfully written down his prior surgeries for us. I blinked a few times at this one:

Well, sir, I'm sorry to hear that. I hear it's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean, though, so you've got that going for you.

Really?

There's a girl from my home town who's not a lot older than me (I am quite young, thanks) who is pregnant and engaged to the baby daddy. No big deal, there are at least 10-15 other girls that I went through elementary and middle school with that seem to have done the same. If your child is the ringbearer at your wedding, I'm not gonna judge you.

But the thing with this couple is this isn't their first kid. Or their second. This is baby number three and the oldest is 4 or 5, I think. They've been engaged for a while.

I've seen this a couple times on rotations too. Happens with the hood rats and the white trash girls (my peeps). Here's my question: what's the point? I mean...we all know you guys would've gotten married around baby #2 if this was gonna happen. Stop foolin' yourself.

Life Sucks, But My Roses Are Bloomin'

I have nothing funny to say at this point. I hate Boards. Studying (and life issues) have more or less turned me into Eeyore, but with a fouler mouth and better access to stimulants and depressants.

This is my schedule:
-Wake up late in the early afternoon
-Shower and "dress" (AKA put on the same scrubs as yesterday, with different underwear)
-Go to a coffeehouse
-Drink a Big-Mother-Effing™ iced latte...or three
-Study in somehow the most inefficient way possible until 8pm
-Go home and fail at studying some more
-Stay up 'til 6 or 7 am so that I will be too exhausted to lay awake worrying and/or being depressed
-Crawl into bed and, invariably, wind up still worrying and/or being depressed
-Pop a trazodone or zolpidem and either fall asleep (with the former) or hallucinate for a while, then fall asleep (with the latter)
-Wake up, lather, rinse, repeat

My mental state is a scary thing to examine right now. I think (hope?) I will probably look back on myself in a few years and go, "Wow, Sassy, that really wasn't that important, you were being such a whiny little drama queen!" But as of right now, I have had Step 1 sold to me as *THE MOST IMPORTANT TEST OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE DEPENDS ONLY ON THIS ZOMG* by classmates, teachers, my school's administration, peers on the intranetz, etc. I tried to resist for a while, but I've now been totally sucked in. Oh well, as a recently-graduated friend told me, "Do what you gotta do. Here's a bunch of Ambien. Please don't OD on them. We'll deal with any addictions or health problems when this is over."

On a less "woe is me" note, I took up gardening (I use this term lightly, as I still don't really understand how to not kill most plants) this year. One of the plants I shoved into the ground was a raggedy little stub of a baby rose that I got at a bargain store for $2. I fully expected it to die, but instead it has grown and when I peeked out my back window this morning - tada! It is blooming!! Finally, something not totally shitty!

OK, back to the books.

Timing

Timing can be a funny thing.

In October, my nurse practitioner cousin asked me about some GI problems just as I wrapped up my GI module. I hypothesized that she maybe had a food allergy based on her history, but hell if I know for sure. And no, I don't know why SHE would ask ME anything, the girl worked in an ER for four years. Clearly she's the one with all the practical knowledge.

In December, I learned about orthopedic injuries and soon after, got a call from my dad about a knee problem. He had a screaming positive McMurray test when I went home and demanded he lay down and let me poke and prod his knee (very patient, my father). He's getting his 35% medial meniscal tear fixed up at the end of the month.

Tomorrow, my grandfather is having a cystoscopy for suspected bladder or prostate cancer while I will sit through a lecture on renal and bladder cancers. This is my least favorite match-up so far.

They Made Me Come Back

At the fine Medical School I attend, students are given a roughly three month break after completing MS1, likely in order to lull us into feeling "happy", "fullfilled", and "rested" before springing MS2 and boards upon us. Many students do things that are useful to their future residency applications, like research, anatomy TAing, working in doctor's offices, etc, etc. I, on the other hand, called them a bunch of gunners and went backpacking in Europe for 37 days. Because if I can hemorrhage over 200 grand on a medical education, I can damn well spend 3 grand on a month of hopping trains, ooohing over buildings and paintings, and day drinking like it's my job. It was an amazing experience and I know I made the right choice (my liver may disagree).

After a few weeks back, in which time I recovered from my 3rd HAC (hostel-associated cold) and worried my family with my strangely nocturnal ways, I left for another trip. This one, however, was a medical trip located further south...as in, South America. I spent two weeks mastering the ability to perform Pap smears, feel breast lumps, and tell people to take off their underwear in Spanish. I am now really, really good at all of these things. I'm pretty sure my sterile technique suffered, though. The clinic was nice, but still definitely not up to American standards.

Now I'm back and already studying for test 1 AKA trial by pyrogens (because we're studying immune response...get it, get it? Still not funny?). So I'll try to keep this thing interesting..